Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatchu gonna do?

If you're from Surrey, chances are, you know someone who's been on "To Serve and Protect". I am lucky enough to not only know people who have been on it, but to be related to people who have been on the show.
I miss that show. It was amazing. It gave people from Surrey the chance to say "Hey! I know that guy!!" or "Hey! That's my house!" while watching a TV show.
I especially liked it when they were busting drunks. They'd be all like "Sir, do you have any ID?"
And the drunk would be like "jkbscj asjf bajks fkwjbsvm SEF KSDBFS AJHVC HA".
Or when they had to go into a trailer park to break up some sort of disturbance, the trailer would have pizza boxes lying around and lamps without lampshades. (Kind of what my house looks like right now.)
Bless those boys in blue who would not only keep our streets safe, but entertain the residents of Surrey on Sunday nights.

On The Inside Of The Outside

I'm hip. I get it. And I love it.
When I was growing up I longed to be able to go back in time, I was positive that I should have been born in 1943 so that I could have experianced the 50's and 60's for myself. My dad use to take me to Jukebox Junction and I would get to buy 45's with my monies, and this was my life. I listened to oldies watched grease and Rebel without a Cause every singe day. But there was one thing, ONE THING that I was IN LOVE WITH.
The Outsiders.

I read the book a thousand times.
And when I saw the movie, it blew my mind.
To this day I wish I could have lived in that house with those boys.
That was one hot cock fest. Not only do you have a young Tom Cruise, Emilio Estevez and Patrick Swayze. And you have the Karate Kid. And the icing on the cake? Your eyes also get treated to ROB LOWE and MATT DILLION. (Side note what the hell ever happened to Matt Dillion?)
Who organized this cast? They deserve an award, a huge fucking cookie.
Never has there been a movie to rival this beauty.
Sure Dallas was an asshole, and Two-bit Matthews always wore the same mickey mouse shirt, and maybe Darry had a bad temper, but you can look past all of that because they are pretty.
And finally....Sodapop Curtis....Will you marry me?

Who doesn't love a sheen?

That was a dirty song, dirtiest song ever though? Well that goes to Akinyele song "Put it in my mouth" I say that all the time but I am refering to sweets and treats. And if there is one thing a cock isn't its a sweet treat. Enough about that.
Christene your mom wouldnt let you watch dirty dancing!
YOWZA.
That's okay my mom wouldn't let me watch Pretty Woman because she thought it glorified prostiution. And what was with that whole "No kissing on the mouth rule" does that mean she had morals of some sort? Or that she had dignity?
I hated the other whore in that movie, what was her name? Kit?


Everyone thought Richard Gere was so dreamy, not me....when I was a chub-tastic 13 year old the only man that got me going was Emilio Estevez, i watched Outsides a thousand times!
Here he is as Two Bit Matthews...now tell me that doesnt get you going?

But who doesn't love a Sheen?
That's a trick question, because the answer is no one. EVERYONE LOVES A SHEEN!
They are just a little more dirty....

Let me go, Let me shoop, to the next man in a 3 piece suit.

Tina, you were super bad-ass.

I was a pretty tame 12 year old, so I can't really top that.

However, I used to listen to Saly N' Pepa's "Very Necessary" on repeat.

I used to gyrate my 12 year old hips to "Shoop" on a daily basis. Of course, I had NO idea what they were talking about (and still really have no clue), so it was ok.

Come to think about it, It WAS a pretty dirty song. What was my mom thinking letting me listen to it? I wasn't allowed to watch "Dirty Dancing", but I could listen to this:

Hey, yeah - I wanna shoop, baby[Oooo, how you doin', baby?No, not youYou, the bow-legged one, (ha-ha) yeahWhat's your name?Damn, that sounds sexy]Here I go, here I go, here I go again (again?)Girls, what's my weakness? (Men!)Ok then, chillin', chillin', mindin' my business (word)Yo, Salt, I looked around, and I couldn't believe thisI swear, I stared, my niece my witnessThe brother had it goin' on with somethin' kinda...uhWicked, wicked (oooo) - had to kick itI'm not shy so I asked for the digitsA ho? No, that don't make meSee what I want slip slide to it swiftyFelt it in my hips so I dipped back to my bag of tricksThen I flipped for a tip, make me wanna do tricks for himLick him like a lollipop should be lickedCame to my senses and I chilled for a bitDon't know how you do the voodoo that you doSo well it's a spell, hell, makes me wanna shoop shoop shoopShoop shoop ba-doopShoop ba-doopShoop ba-doop ba-doop ba-doopShoop ba-doopShoop ba-doopShoop ba-doop ba-doop ba-doopUmmm, you're packed and you're stacked 'specially in the backBrother, wanna thank your mother for a butt like that (thanks, Mom)Can I get some fries with that shake-shake boobie?If looks could kill you would be an uziYou're a shotgun - bang! What's up with that thang?I wanna know how does it hang?Straight up, wait up, hold up, Mr. LoverLike Prince said you're a sexy mutha-Well-a, I like 'em real wild, b-boy style by the mileSmooth black skin with a smileBright as the sun, I wanna have some funCome (come) and (hmmm) give me some of that yum-yumChocolate chip, honey dip, can I get a scoop? (please)Baby, take a ride in my coupe, you make me wanna...Shoop shoop ba-doop (Baby, hey)Shoop ba-doopShoop ba-doop ba-doop ba-doopShoop shoop ba-doop (Don't you know I wanna shoop, baby)Shoop ba-doopShoop ba-doop ba-doop ba-doopWell let me bring you back to the subject, Pep's on the setMake you get hot, make you work up a sweatWhen you skip-to-my-lou, my darlingNot falling in love but I'm falling for your [super sperm]When I get ya betcha bottom dollar you were best under pressure[Yo, Sandy, I wanna like, taste you]Getcha getcha lips wet cuz it's time to have PepOn your mark, get set, go, let me go, let me shoopTo the next man in the three-piece suitI spend all my dough, ray me, cutieShoop shoop a-doobie like Scoobie Doobie DooI love you in your big jeans, you give me nice dreamsYou make me wanna scream, "Oooo, oooo, oooo!"I like what ya do when you do what ya doYou make me wanna shoopShoop shoop ba-doopShoop ba-doopShoop ba-doop ba-doop ba-doopShoop shoop ba-doopShoop ba-doopShoop ba-doop ba-doop ba-doop[Oh, my goodness, girl, look at himHe's the cutest brother in hereAnd he's comin' this way! Oooo!]S and the P wanna kick with me, cool (uh-huh)But I'm wicked, G, (yeah) hit skins but never quickly (that's right)I hit the skins for the hell of it, just for the yell I getMmm mmm mmm, for the smell of it (smell it)They want my bod, here's the hot rod (hot rod)Twelve inches to a yard (damn) and have ya soundin' like a retard (yeah)Big 'Twan Love-Her, six-two, wanna hit youSo what you wanna do?What you wanna do?Mmmm, I wanna shoopShoop shoop ba-doopShoop ba-doopShoop ba-doop ba-doop ba-doopShoop shoop ba-doopShoop ba-doopShoop ba-doop ba-doop ba-doopOh, you make me wanna shoopHey yeah, I wanna shoop, baby

What is a Shoop, anyway? Can someone tell me?

On another note, Salt N' Pepa had big earrings.

Indeed.

12 Year Old Gold

Not only did I watch scrambled up porn on channel 88 I also did other things that made me bad ass, and not everyone can be badass at 12 years of age. Here is some more 12 year old gold:
~ Snoop Doggy Dogg's Doggystyle album was all I listened to in grade seven, me and this guy use to rap Lodi Dodi inbehind our portable. BEAT THAT
~ Every day at lunch I use to tip this kids desk over and all his papers would be spread all over the floor, I did it for a month straight, and all because he called me Tiny and I didnt like it.
~I got lice from my brother and my dad cut my hair off with a knife cause he couldn't find scissors. seriously. My hair was slanted on an angle forever because I refused to let anyone fix it.
~I had a hat that said "Bad Boys" on it and it was a metal plate and I would go to Stardust and guys liked it. I wish I still had that hat.
~I use to watch Welcome Back Kotter every day after school and eat Mr. Noodles.

Free Porn! Now That I have your attention....

Does anyone remeber the scrambled-up porn they used to have on channel 88?
When I was 12, pre-illegal cable box days, I used to watch the scrambled up porn. Now, don't get all judgemental. Everyone did. I'm just the first to admit it.
I don't know why watched. I'd always mute it anyway, so my mom couldn't hear what was going on. And its not like I could really see anything. I'd just have to assume that there was something naughty going on. If it was a really bad (or good, however you look at it) scramble, you could see the outline of a penis or something, but that was it.
What is it about scrambled up porn that make people want to watch? I normally don't watch alot of porn, anyway. I find it kind of boring. I'm from Surrey, been there, done that. (I'm just kidding, by the way.)
Eventually, we got with the times and got one of those black boxes. My facination with the porn suddenly faded away. It was bizarre, once I could actually see what was going on, I lost interest.
Maybe it wasn't even about the porn itself, but the fact that it was forbidden. I'll never know.

Was this post too much information?

I don't care. Deal with it.

Drop Kick Your Jacket

Mr. Belvedere you rock my world. And I dont care who knows.
Basically I am sitting sloth like on my couch, and I got this overwhelming urge to listen to the Mr. Belvedere theme song. And no it didnt dissapoint.
Regardless of that did you know this show was on for 5 years, that blows my mind.
FIVE YEARS!
And now I will leave you with a steamy picture to get you through the night and the words to the theme song.



Streaks on the china,
never mattered before,
who cares.

When you dropped kicked your jacket
As you came through the door,
No one glared.

But sometimes things get turned around
And no one’s spared.

All hands look out below T
here’s a change in the status quo.
Gonna need all the help that we can get.

According to our new arrival
Life is more than mere survival
We just might live the good life yet.

Just One More

Okay so I dont want to make this all about 90210, but I put the DVD's on my Ziplist and have been watching the first season.
I am watching the episode where Dylan first kisses Brenda, you know after he gets in the fight with his father and then smashes the potted plant outside. Brenda freaks out and is all.
"Dylan your scaring me."
And he kisses her.
All I am wondering is how did Brenda get Dylan.
It doesnt make sense, he just wouldn't go for her. She is such a dweeb, or better yet A DIPSTICK.
Dylan could have any girl.....why would he choose whiney angsty pale Brenda?


On a side note does anyone remember when they were on the cover of Rolling Stone?
Its a effing music magazine for crying out loud, nice fucking band. Look at Brenda straddle her brother....yowza.

Breaking up is hard to do...

A couple of seconds ago, I had been reminded of that episode of 90210 where Brandon and Emily Valentine go to the rave and she slips him some E, and then his car gets trashed. Then they have to make that float and she shows up out of nowhere wearing his favourite shirt and then when he gets pissed off at her again, she flips out and burns their float down.
Talk about irrational.
And she wonders why he broke up with her.
Women.

Fadulous Is What I Call It

Blog buddy indeed!

I conqure about the fanny pack fad of the late eighties to early nineties, what were people thinking?
And then recently they thought they could bring them back and all the club-bunnies were sporting Louis Vuitton Fanny-paks and they were calling them "Bum Bag's" and I was like "I dont care what designer name you throw up on that fabric its still lame!" And girls the world over went clawing for my eyes.

There were a lot of Fad's that I didn't understand, but then there were the ones I totally got.

Like Mr. Noodles. Remember when you ate them dry and then the rumor went around that you would get worms if you ate them that way. And then I ate them more because I was trying to get a tape worm in hopes that I could shed a couple of LB's.
It didnt work, I didn't get a tape worm and I didn't loose weight, actually I just kept on gaining.


Another thing I never got. Colored pants.
And this is coming back I was in Urban Behaivor the other day (a store where if your over 21 you not allowed to go, they check your ID on the way in, and you cant get service and a large is really an extra small, and they put rhinestones and glitter on everything and the sixteen year old girl checking you out is sooooo slow she pops her gum and is like "yeah uhhh is this for you....grody", I have no idea why I was there upon reflection.) Anyways I saw yellow and purple jeans and I was like didnt designers learn there lesson in 92, that shits not right.

Oh Oh Oh, She's my covergirl.

Last night, I went over to my cousin Kelly's house and in anticipation of Friday's concert, she busted out her old New Kids on the Block VHS tapes.

I've never seen so many teenage boys wear so many fanny packs. Honestly, what were they carting around that necessitates a fanny pack? There's no excuse for a fanny pack. Unless you're a drug dealer or a 75 year old woman, there no excuse for a fanny pack. I don't care what year it was. They could quite possibly be the stupidest thing ever invented.

I'd like the see the boardroom meeting that they had when they came up with the idea of fanny Packs (because in my mind, everything is thought up/ invented in a boardroom by a bunch of suits. It's true, ask Tina).

"I got it! I've come up with a purse that you can wear around your - wait for it - WAIST!!!! LIKE A BELT!!!!!!! " And then all of the suits would look at each other, as if their minds have been blown. And then the CEO of Stupid Ideas Inc stands up and starts a slow clap, which eventually leads to a roaring applause by the rest of them. Out of nowhere, they start to play "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang. The champagne is flowing and Nancy from accounting gets drunk hooks up with the 19 year old mail room kid.

I had a Circus Circus Fanny pack when I was a kid. I could never wear it though, it was too small for me. Maybe if the person who went to Vegas should have actually thought, "Hey! Christene's quite the little butterball, I think I'll get her an adult sized fanny pack not this tiny tiny kids one, so she's not all embarrassed and has to wear it like a normal purse." What a horrifying thing for an 8 year old. No wonder I ate my feelings.

I once heard a that Donnie said that he wanted to meet all of the girls he pulled up onstage when he sang cover girl. Now, out of all the concert footage I've ever seen of him singing that song, the girls he pulled up basically looked the same. Around 7-8 years old, blond and cute.

He would have never pulled me on stage. First off, they would have needed to use a forklift. Again, I was the most vile, chubbiest kid. I only bathed every other week and had a sweet bowl cut. Everyone thought I was a boy.

I'm starting to think that he was pre-screening these girls.

Now, 18 years later, those girls are ripe for the picking. How convenient that he got divorced from his wife right before the New Kids went on tour. What a dirty old man. He thought he could get away with it too. Good thing I'm here with my little joint-blog with Tina (that no one reads but us and Rebs Rebs) to foil his plan.

I want Charles in Charge of me.

I love Scott Baio.

Young, studly, Scott Baio. Not Old, hairplugs Scott Baio. "Chachi" Scott Baio, not "45 and Single" Scott Baio.
Apparently, he was quite the stud back in the day. The ladies looooooooved him. And I don't blame them.

Look at him. Arms all crossed. How authoritative.
If I had that living in the basement, I'd never leave the house. I'm just saying. And, is that a banana down his pants?
You want to know something sad? I can still sing the "Charles in Charge" theme song word for word. That probably doesn't come as a shock to most of you. Theme songs are a talent of mine.

Apparently and I dont know if its true....

Not that I want to tread on Christeen's Legend or anything, but I have heard the exact same thing about Danny Divto. Could it be true? IS that little pecker packing some serious wood? I dont know....
For him it seriously would be a third leg.
Maybe its just big in comparison to the rest of him.


Once I went to Mugs and Jugs to watch a midget stripper and the thing is everything about her was small EXCEPT her head and her vag. It was fairly disturbing, and not in a good way

Legend Has it, that he's a legend.

Now, I only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep last night, so this may appear slighty crackish.

Quite some time ago, I heard an old Hollywood rumor that made this dirty old lady's ears perk up in interest.

According to insiders, 90210's Jason Priestley is one of the most well endowed men in Hollywood.

No wonder I liked him so much as a kid.

All kidding aside, I find this rumor kind of hard (hahhaha hard...nevermind) to swallow (hahahahahahahahah....again, nevermind.)

First of all, he's not the tallest dude out there. Compared to Steve Saunders, he's Matt Roloff. Now if someone was all like "Ian Ziering has the largest dong in the world", I'd believe them. I mean, look at his face. He must make up for his grotesqueness in at least one area, and why not the one area where it counts. Well, if you're Samanta from Sex and the City, it counts, but if you're a normal girl like myself, it's not the size of the boat that matters, it's the motion in the ocean. Was that too much information?

Secondly, I think I've seen the dude cross his legs like a lady, (I can't prove this, so don't ask me to.) which, from what I understand, the average male finds kind of difficult, let alone one with a larger than average plunker.

All this aside, I'm still slighty fascinated with Brandon Walsh's nether region.

Hearing this tidbit of juicy gossip prompted me to immediately dust off my copy of 90210 season 1, to do a little research, which basically came up fruitless. I paused and zoomed into his crotchetal area numerous times, at many many many different angles, and I'll admit, he did look like he was slightly packing. But let's be honest, it's nothing that a little panty stuffing wouldn't fix.

So, until I receive photographic evidence, (and if anyone has some, please send it this lonely old cougar's way) I'm going to go all Myth Busters style on this one consider this one busted.

Just Beat It

While bumping along in the Silver Chariot that promptly picks my ass up at 5:26AM, I come to realize that Michael Jackson is one scary dude.
Now what happened to him? Its one of the great anomalies of the world. He is almost the eighth wonder of the world.
What sort of shit was this kid put through?
I don't know. But now it pains me to look at him.
And what was with the hanging the baby out the window trick?
That's just not using your common sense.
No matter how Effed up the boy is you have to admit the man had some tunes.
With amazing lyrics and a pop-tastic beat that could only be created by a 1989 keyboard, how can you go wrong?
Tonight I want you to sit back, slip on Jacko's number ones and remember the boy before the creature. Remember that not so scary person who use to thrill us.
Just whatever you do don't think of the storey about how his nose fell off.
Yuck!