So Perez Hilton says you're fat, well, I 'aint down with that.

This morning, I was reading www.perezhilton.com, and came across this article.

http://perezhilton.com/2009-01-29-jonah-hill-does-not-look-good#respond

You know, even though he's gained a couple LBs, I still think Jonah Hill is a stone fox.
Seriously.

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Mr. Hilton.

Oh, Oh, Oh, Its magic, you know.

I have been instructed by Tina not to let this blog go to shit.

And, I will comply with her request.

You know what I really love?

Sabrina the Teenage witch.

That Bitch could do anything. If I had her powers, I'd do awesome things.

I'd go back in time and watch all of the sweet ass Christmas specials from my childhood

Yeah.

Pretty Woman

Today at lunch we were discussing Pretty Woman, and it really isn't a feasible movie. For one I don't know any rich people who fall in love with the hookers they use. Okay fine I don't know any rich people.
My mother hates the movie Pretty Woman because she says it glorifies prostitution.
I like the fact that Vivianne had morals because she didn't kiss on the mouth, but that rule didn't take long to go out the window. She is so quirky and charming that Richard Gere's character can't resist her?
Whatever. I call bullshit.
I hated Kit in the movie. I wanted to rip her head off. She spent their rent money, what a bitch.
Now that i have gotten to thinking about the movie I am on the fence about whether I like it or not. I am leaning towards I hate t because it just seems stupid and I even get annoyed when I think about the scene in the bathroom where she is singing the Prince song.
And the scene that EVERYONE loves where she goes back to the store where they snubbed her and says "Big Mistake...huge" Shut up Pretty Woman, you are wasting your breath, they still don't want your STD riddled body in their clothes.
Oh right she was a safe girl and she kept the jimmys in her boot. Shut up.
Personally I liked your trampy prostie clothes more than I liked the hoitty toitty ones she bought on Rodeo Drive. She just looked stupid in those hates.


On a side note I have never seen American Gigolo...

It was a Teenage Wedding and the Old Folks Wished them well

Alright Christene, first off is My Best Friends Birthday , than Resivoir Dogs, True Romance, Pulp Fiction, Natural born Killers....
we gots some gold to watch.

This is my gripe.
Why do people insist that Pulp Fiction is Tarantino's best flick? Because it's not. Almost all of them are better. Everyone loves the scene where John Travolta and Uma Thurman dance to Chuck Berry's Teenage Wedding. This is all they talk about. They never want to give it up. Come to terms with it people it's not his best movie.

My personal favorites are Jackie Brown, because it had Pam Grier in it and Coffey truly is the color of her skin and Resivoir Dogs because it had Harvey Keitel (need I say more. I think not).
Though I also feel that True Romance is under rated (Come on people it has Christian Slater how can you go wrong) and Natural Born Killers is comedy gold.
I am a huge fan of Woody Harrelson. He was one of the only reasons I watched Cheers.

Another gripe I have is when Grindhouse came out everyone was talking about Death Proof and how Quentin Tarantino is a god well to be honest Planet Terror was better and Robert Rodreguez deserves props for this it.

Whatever. I'm in.

"Looking for some Happiness but there is only loneliness to fiiiiiiinnnnddd."

This morning, I watched Death Proof with Kristyl, and came to a conclusion.

I fucking love Quentin Tarantino.

He could film himself crapping on a plate, add some '70's graphics and close ups of feet and I'd still love it.

It took me a long time to come to this. Up until today, I never really went out of my way to actually watch his movies (except for that brief stint in grade 11 when I had this huge crush on this kid who was obsessed with Quentin Tarantino).

My Resolution for 2009 is to watch every movie that Quentin Tarantino has ever made, (directed, written or both) in the order that they were made.

Tina, are you with me?

Oh Look! My pee is blue!

The other day I got to thinking about Screaming Saucers....

When I was a kid, I refused to try them just because A) they were popular and B) they looked as if they had an artificial berry flavour of some sort. (And if you know me, you know of my extreme hatred for any artificial berry flavors.)
Also, they scared the shit out of me.
Any candy that will turn your insides blue can not be a good idea. I remember kids on the playground eating them then sticking their tongues out, because these evil candies of death turned them blue. I've got another way to turn your tongue blue, kids. It's called hypothermia.
I remember this one kid used to brag on the playground about how screaming saucers turned his pee blue.
Wow. What an accomplishment. Someone get this kid a sash. Maybe a Nobel prize of some sort.
Urine is supposed to be yellow. If you pee any other color but yellow, it means you have some sort of medical condition, and should probably go to the hospital.
Then one day, it was all over for screaming saucers. My school had banned them and all of the unfit parents who used to let their kids eat them non-stop were reprimanded.
I think I was the only kid in my entire school who remained un-affected by this ban. There were kids on the playground kicking stuff, crying, yelling, picketing, etc.
I hadn't seen such an uprising since the great snap-bracelet ban of 1992.
I just sat there and watched.

Dumb kids.

Is there a soldier in here?

Frequently on our rides to work Christene and I talk about men of the afro american persuasion. The other day Christene informed me that if she could have any black guy she would have Kenan Thompson from Saturday Night Live, because he is comforting. To which I responded I would take Ludacris.
Often we bust out the song Soldier by Destiny's Child and live life large.
Anyways what I am trying to say is that I feel Will Smith's best days were when he was the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
Everyone is all talking about Will like he is new or something or they are all like "Man he was so good in THe Pursuit of happyness' but seriously he was so good when he was telling me that there was a nightmare on his street.
(Side note that song actually scared me when I was a little piglet.)
Personally I thought the guy hit the peek of his career back in 94...If I find Fresh Prince while perusing the channels I have to stop and watch it, it's like it is ingrained in me.
Do you think Will still hangs out with Jazzy Jeff?

Willow's Wife?

When I worked at Wendy's, there was this guy there who once told me I looked like Willow's wife. Now, you've all seen the movie Willow, right?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096446/
At first, I thought he was joking, and I laughed it off. Then I started thinking and over analyzing, like I usually do.
Seriously, what a thing to tell someone. Out of nowhere. Why would he tell me that? And how random is that? Willow's Wife? Really???? And its not like I lived in a little mud hut village.
I know I'm short, but certainly not within the requirements to be considered a dwarf.
How the fuck did he come to this conclusion?? He didn't even give me an explaination!!!!!!!
Maybe I do look like Willow's Wife.

Maybe we have the same eyes? No, mine are green, and hers look brown.

Now, it looks like she has no eyebrows, and I have eyebrows, so it can't be that. Maybe we smile the same?

To this day, every so often I take a few minutes to look in the mirror, looking for resemblances. Thanks for the complex, douchebag.

Something I Can Get Behind

On this planet called earth there are very few things I can get behind and never have fail me. Here they are:
1. Red Vines-best candy known to man
2. Sean Connery-doing impressions of him or just looking at him
3. Trashy magazines-they taught me so many things
4. Gum balls-I escpecially like the yellow ones
5. The Brat Pack Movies-if you say you dont like Pretty in pink you are lying. And yes I wanted Andy to get with Ducky.
6. The Cops theme song-whattcha gonna do when they come for you?
7. Saying things like "Oh that's so funny I forgot to laugh" and "Dirtbag" Or "Dipshit"
8. T-shirts with animals on them, man I miss my white kitty t-shirt.
9. Spandex, I wish life was this easy still
10. Sugar Crisp. Cause I cant get enough of it.