Oh Oh Oh, She's my covergirl.

Last night, I went over to my cousin Kelly's house and in anticipation of Friday's concert, she busted out her old New Kids on the Block VHS tapes.

I've never seen so many teenage boys wear so many fanny packs. Honestly, what were they carting around that necessitates a fanny pack? There's no excuse for a fanny pack. Unless you're a drug dealer or a 75 year old woman, there no excuse for a fanny pack. I don't care what year it was. They could quite possibly be the stupidest thing ever invented.

I'd like the see the boardroom meeting that they had when they came up with the idea of fanny Packs (because in my mind, everything is thought up/ invented in a boardroom by a bunch of suits. It's true, ask Tina).

"I got it! I've come up with a purse that you can wear around your - wait for it - WAIST!!!! LIKE A BELT!!!!!!! " And then all of the suits would look at each other, as if their minds have been blown. And then the CEO of Stupid Ideas Inc stands up and starts a slow clap, which eventually leads to a roaring applause by the rest of them. Out of nowhere, they start to play "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang. The champagne is flowing and Nancy from accounting gets drunk hooks up with the 19 year old mail room kid.

I had a Circus Circus Fanny pack when I was a kid. I could never wear it though, it was too small for me. Maybe if the person who went to Vegas should have actually thought, "Hey! Christene's quite the little butterball, I think I'll get her an adult sized fanny pack not this tiny tiny kids one, so she's not all embarrassed and has to wear it like a normal purse." What a horrifying thing for an 8 year old. No wonder I ate my feelings.

I once heard a that Donnie said that he wanted to meet all of the girls he pulled up onstage when he sang cover girl. Now, out of all the concert footage I've ever seen of him singing that song, the girls he pulled up basically looked the same. Around 7-8 years old, blond and cute.

He would have never pulled me on stage. First off, they would have needed to use a forklift. Again, I was the most vile, chubbiest kid. I only bathed every other week and had a sweet bowl cut. Everyone thought I was a boy.

I'm starting to think that he was pre-screening these girls.

Now, 18 years later, those girls are ripe for the picking. How convenient that he got divorced from his wife right before the New Kids went on tour. What a dirty old man. He thought he could get away with it too. Good thing I'm here with my little joint-blog with Tina (that no one reads but us and Rebs Rebs) to foil his plan.

N.K.O.T-Weeeeeee!!

Now, this has been quite the year for the comebacks.
I, for one, could not be happier.
It seems as if they're bringing back everything I remember from my childhood, which, sadly, makes me feel old and kind of pathetic.
I'm kind of like the scuzzy middle aged lady who frequents Chicago Tonight only for their "Ladies Night" thinking she has a chance with 'Stallion', the stripper who dresses up like a cowboy.
You know, night clubs never have those ladies nights with the male strippers any more. What happened? My friend Kristyl and I once went to the Mirage too early on a Friday night (for those not in the know, the Mirage held their "ladies night" every friday) back when we were 19 and were treated to quite the sausage show. We never made that mistake again. No wonder I waited so long to lose my virginity (I also had no real offers, but that's beside the point). These grown men, pranced around while droves of sex-deprived middle-aged women screamed things like "Shake it for Momma!"

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, comebacks.

I, for one, am most happy to see the New Kids back in action.
I loved those crazy little bastards.
I wanted to marry Joe McIntyre. Maybe it was the hat he used to wear with the cut-out on the top so his curls could spill out.
Perhaps that is the root of my fascination of curly haired men....Damn you, Joe McIntyre!
At one point, I was so obsessed with New Kids, I used to fantasize about joining the band.
What purpose would I serve in the band? I'd be this awkward, chubby 8 year old girl just standing there. I would be just like Atlas from Catwalk. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catwalk_(TV_series)
(Ahhhh Catwalk...There's a show they should re-make.

What was I thinking?

All the time I was all about the Joe, I could have been lusting after Donnie. Now, there's a man you can sink your teeth into. He was all motorcycles and mullets.

Badass. If loving you is wrong, I don't wanna be right.