Breaking up is hard to do...

A couple of seconds ago, I had been reminded of that episode of 90210 where Brandon and Emily Valentine go to the rave and she slips him some E, and then his car gets trashed. Then they have to make that float and she shows up out of nowhere wearing his favourite shirt and then when he gets pissed off at her again, she flips out and burns their float down.
Talk about irrational.
And she wonders why he broke up with her.
Women.

Fadulous Is What I Call It

Blog buddy indeed!

I conqure about the fanny pack fad of the late eighties to early nineties, what were people thinking?
And then recently they thought they could bring them back and all the club-bunnies were sporting Louis Vuitton Fanny-paks and they were calling them "Bum Bag's" and I was like "I dont care what designer name you throw up on that fabric its still lame!" And girls the world over went clawing for my eyes.

There were a lot of Fad's that I didn't understand, but then there were the ones I totally got.

Like Mr. Noodles. Remember when you ate them dry and then the rumor went around that you would get worms if you ate them that way. And then I ate them more because I was trying to get a tape worm in hopes that I could shed a couple of LB's.
It didnt work, I didn't get a tape worm and I didn't loose weight, actually I just kept on gaining.


Another thing I never got. Colored pants.
And this is coming back I was in Urban Behaivor the other day (a store where if your over 21 you not allowed to go, they check your ID on the way in, and you cant get service and a large is really an extra small, and they put rhinestones and glitter on everything and the sixteen year old girl checking you out is sooooo slow she pops her gum and is like "yeah uhhh is this for you....grody", I have no idea why I was there upon reflection.) Anyways I saw yellow and purple jeans and I was like didnt designers learn there lesson in 92, that shits not right.

Oh Oh Oh, She's my covergirl.

Last night, I went over to my cousin Kelly's house and in anticipation of Friday's concert, she busted out her old New Kids on the Block VHS tapes.

I've never seen so many teenage boys wear so many fanny packs. Honestly, what were they carting around that necessitates a fanny pack? There's no excuse for a fanny pack. Unless you're a drug dealer or a 75 year old woman, there no excuse for a fanny pack. I don't care what year it was. They could quite possibly be the stupidest thing ever invented.

I'd like the see the boardroom meeting that they had when they came up with the idea of fanny Packs (because in my mind, everything is thought up/ invented in a boardroom by a bunch of suits. It's true, ask Tina).

"I got it! I've come up with a purse that you can wear around your - wait for it - WAIST!!!! LIKE A BELT!!!!!!! " And then all of the suits would look at each other, as if their minds have been blown. And then the CEO of Stupid Ideas Inc stands up and starts a slow clap, which eventually leads to a roaring applause by the rest of them. Out of nowhere, they start to play "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang. The champagne is flowing and Nancy from accounting gets drunk hooks up with the 19 year old mail room kid.

I had a Circus Circus Fanny pack when I was a kid. I could never wear it though, it was too small for me. Maybe if the person who went to Vegas should have actually thought, "Hey! Christene's quite the little butterball, I think I'll get her an adult sized fanny pack not this tiny tiny kids one, so she's not all embarrassed and has to wear it like a normal purse." What a horrifying thing for an 8 year old. No wonder I ate my feelings.

I once heard a that Donnie said that he wanted to meet all of the girls he pulled up onstage when he sang cover girl. Now, out of all the concert footage I've ever seen of him singing that song, the girls he pulled up basically looked the same. Around 7-8 years old, blond and cute.

He would have never pulled me on stage. First off, they would have needed to use a forklift. Again, I was the most vile, chubbiest kid. I only bathed every other week and had a sweet bowl cut. Everyone thought I was a boy.

I'm starting to think that he was pre-screening these girls.

Now, 18 years later, those girls are ripe for the picking. How convenient that he got divorced from his wife right before the New Kids went on tour. What a dirty old man. He thought he could get away with it too. Good thing I'm here with my little joint-blog with Tina (that no one reads but us and Rebs Rebs) to foil his plan.

I want Charles in Charge of me.

I love Scott Baio.

Young, studly, Scott Baio. Not Old, hairplugs Scott Baio. "Chachi" Scott Baio, not "45 and Single" Scott Baio.
Apparently, he was quite the stud back in the day. The ladies looooooooved him. And I don't blame them.

Look at him. Arms all crossed. How authoritative.
If I had that living in the basement, I'd never leave the house. I'm just saying. And, is that a banana down his pants?
You want to know something sad? I can still sing the "Charles in Charge" theme song word for word. That probably doesn't come as a shock to most of you. Theme songs are a talent of mine.

Apparently and I dont know if its true....

Not that I want to tread on Christeen's Legend or anything, but I have heard the exact same thing about Danny Divto. Could it be true? IS that little pecker packing some serious wood? I dont know....
For him it seriously would be a third leg.
Maybe its just big in comparison to the rest of him.


Once I went to Mugs and Jugs to watch a midget stripper and the thing is everything about her was small EXCEPT her head and her vag. It was fairly disturbing, and not in a good way

Legend Has it, that he's a legend.

Now, I only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep last night, so this may appear slighty crackish.

Quite some time ago, I heard an old Hollywood rumor that made this dirty old lady's ears perk up in interest.

According to insiders, 90210's Jason Priestley is one of the most well endowed men in Hollywood.

No wonder I liked him so much as a kid.

All kidding aside, I find this rumor kind of hard (hahhaha hard...nevermind) to swallow (hahahahahahahahah....again, nevermind.)

First of all, he's not the tallest dude out there. Compared to Steve Saunders, he's Matt Roloff. Now if someone was all like "Ian Ziering has the largest dong in the world", I'd believe them. I mean, look at his face. He must make up for his grotesqueness in at least one area, and why not the one area where it counts. Well, if you're Samanta from Sex and the City, it counts, but if you're a normal girl like myself, it's not the size of the boat that matters, it's the motion in the ocean. Was that too much information?

Secondly, I think I've seen the dude cross his legs like a lady, (I can't prove this, so don't ask me to.) which, from what I understand, the average male finds kind of difficult, let alone one with a larger than average plunker.

All this aside, I'm still slighty fascinated with Brandon Walsh's nether region.

Hearing this tidbit of juicy gossip prompted me to immediately dust off my copy of 90210 season 1, to do a little research, which basically came up fruitless. I paused and zoomed into his crotchetal area numerous times, at many many many different angles, and I'll admit, he did look like he was slightly packing. But let's be honest, it's nothing that a little panty stuffing wouldn't fix.

So, until I receive photographic evidence, (and if anyone has some, please send it this lonely old cougar's way) I'm going to go all Myth Busters style on this one consider this one busted.

Just Beat It

While bumping along in the Silver Chariot that promptly picks my ass up at 5:26AM, I come to realize that Michael Jackson is one scary dude.
Now what happened to him? Its one of the great anomalies of the world. He is almost the eighth wonder of the world.
What sort of shit was this kid put through?
I don't know. But now it pains me to look at him.
And what was with the hanging the baby out the window trick?
That's just not using your common sense.
No matter how Effed up the boy is you have to admit the man had some tunes.
With amazing lyrics and a pop-tastic beat that could only be created by a 1989 keyboard, how can you go wrong?
Tonight I want you to sit back, slip on Jacko's number ones and remember the boy before the creature. Remember that not so scary person who use to thrill us.
Just whatever you do don't think of the storey about how his nose fell off.
Yuck!