I'm the Baby, gotta love me.

Maybe it's the 2 glasses of wine talking, but I have an extremely irrational hatred for that stupid "Dinosaurs" show they ran on ABC back in the '90's.

Does anyone else remember this show?

Typically, my memories of ABC's TGIF line-up are fond.

I loved friday night TV. I'd park my ass on the couch and prepare myself for the greatest 2 hours of programming the week had to offer me.

Then one year, they introduced a show about a family of Dinosaurs.

Dinosaurs.

Really?

When was this ever a good idea??

And don't even get me started on that one little pink asshole who'd hit his Dad over the head with a frying pan...

If that was real life, I'm sure the Dad would be dead.

And then they made a music video of that little jerk.

"I'm the Baby, Gotta love me."

Shut up.

Welcome Back

I had a dream of.....
A threesome with Matt Dillon and Luke Perry.
But not them now. Them then.
You know what I am talking about.
Now that I have your attention I am going to breach a very serious question and I really want you to answer truthfully.
Is it just me or Welcome Back Kotter the best TV show ever made.
You had everything you needed.
The hot dumb guy, the soldier, the oddly attractive puerto rico jew(who was always my personal fav), the nerdy small kid and the funny teacher....
What more would you possibly want.
My Ex was telling me awhile ago that he watched it and it wasnt as funny as he remembered it to be from when he was a kid. So I got it for my birthday and you know what? It was better than I remembered. With quips like "Up Your nose with a rubber hose" and "Mr.Kot-tier" you can't go wrong. Not to mention Juan's notes from his mother. This show just doesnt get old...and it was on for four years so clearly the people liked it.
Remember the episode where Juan likes a girl and he writes a note (from his mother) to the girls mother and it says:
"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
let your daughter go out
with a Puerto Rican Jew"
No? Well go effing watch it and stop gawking at this blog.

If That's What Skinny Is About, Count Me Out!

Ever since I was a child I was horrified by Richard Simmons. He would always appear on David Letterman and Letterman always made him cry. That was gold.
What wasn't gold was his high energy that makes me, still to this day, want to slit my wrists. I could never watch one of his exercise video's because it would make me want to upchuck my fatabulous lunch that I scarfed down.
Maybe it's because he is a red head and I find red heads abnormal at the best of times. But I think it's mostly his ugly mug. So what you were obese in high school Rich and now your goal is to make everyone happy about themselves, good for you. But I ain't picking up what your throwing out there.
I would rather be fat than listen to your mumble jumble, and one and two and one and two and SHUT THE HELL UP YOU FREAK!
I'm just saying there is something wrong with the guy.

Age Gracefully, you fools!

My hair is thinning a little.

I'm thinking about picking up one of those Hair in a can sprays.

You all know I'm kidding when I say this, as I am a wacky jokester, but some people aren't. Some people actually think that it's a good idea to spray paint their bald spots.

Really, I'm serious.

One day, Ron Popeil (yes, we have someone to blame for all this) decided that bald men no longer have to live with the shame of hair loss. He would create a product that would empower balding men with the abiltity to cover up their shame, but it would also come in a can too.

It's a stupid stupid idea and if you use it, people know you're insecure and probably single.

And what's with the name? GLH formula 9. It sounds like motor oil. It's quite possibly the worst product name ever.

Damn you, Ronco. Damn you to hell.

Tis The Season

For tramps in santa outfits, but that's not the point. What is the point is that I wanted to share with you why I enjoy the christmas season. Because you get to see your favorite TV shows Christmas special. Pure gold!
They have always been the best part of the holiday season. Like the Saved By the Bell where Zack dresses up like santa or for that matter when Roseanne does!
This is a short blog because I have to go back to finding the christmas episodes of Gilmore girls. Seriously!
P.S. If I could live in any TV land place it would be Stars Hollow!

I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden

I'm glad you like my Dimples, Tina.
I like your evil stare.

Anyway, I'm watching Kitchen Nightmares right now.
I think it's time for me to confess to the world, I am rather smitten with Chef Gordan Ramsay.
I love everything about the man.
I think we have alot in common.
First off, he likes to cook. I like to eat.
Secondly, every second word that comes out of his mouth has to be censored. I too, speak like a man of the seas.
He's rich and famous and I'm fully prepared to mooch off of that. I don't think he'd mind, really. Although I think it may be difficult to convince him that I'd make a good trophy wife. I don't think I have any trophy wife qualities.
I like it how he calls every lady "Darling." He also holds open doors for them. There's just something about it. He's a gentleman. Any dude take note. No matter how much a girl will be like "I'm not really into guys who do that." They're lying. We all like it. So start holding doors for ladies, assholes.
Whatever happened to gentlemen, anyway?
Long gone are the days where dudes would hold open doors, pick up the cheque and let you hold the remote control. And what ever happened to buying flowers?
Where the fuck are my flowers?!!!!???!!!???!!???
Us Ladies have to cook for you, pick up your dirty socks off the floor, pop that zit on the middle of your back and pick you up while you are drunk and the most romantic thing you guys can say to us is "Wanna do it?" No, Asswipe. We don't wanna "Do it". We're too busy writing angry blog entries about the lack of romance in the world right now.

Well, I'm sure Gordan Ramsay buys his wife flowers. He would if he knew what was good for him.

Party Of One

I am watching Party Of Five.
Because I am a fat thirteen year old at heart. And it's thursday night at 8:10pm and channel 35 just so happens to be where my stubby little digits stopped. And all I am wondering, and perhaps you can tell me the answer. What the hell happened to Scott Wolf? Man that guy has dimples. Just what I love.
Secretly I have a crush on everyone who has dimples. (that means you Leps.)
Anyways back on subject...Scott Wolf. This show sucks. But I loved watching it and I can see why....Bailey was hot. I also liked the other hot guy too, Matthew Fox, but I was all about the Scott Wolf.
Now that Lacey Chabert is a little slut, you know I am right...maybe its because she was a little tramp in Mean Girls and I am holding it against her.
Jennifer love Hewitt has that Ghost Whisperer show, and my mom likes it. And Neve Campbell did those scream movies. That's a career right?
Whatever this show sucks!
I cant look away.