Friday, March 27, 2009

Billboard Hits Of 2009

The other day I got it in my head to get in touch with the kids and download some popular music to see just what it is the teenagers were listening too. While perusing Mininova I came across a file titled 'Billboard hits of 2009'. This struck me as oddly entertaining so I was like okay.

First off it's March. How can there be 100 hits already? Is the rest of the year screwed. Regardless this is what I learned.

1. Pink is still making music.

2. So is Britney Spears

3. Every song features T.I

4. Out of 100 songs there were only 6 that I actually liked and they all featured either T.I, Justin Timberlake or T-Pain.

5. Beyonce is full of herself

6. Kids these days like whiney music. (and there was a Lifehouse song in the 100 and that scared me because they were the biggest mistake of 2000 when No Name Face came out and people thought 'hey these guys aren't bad'.

7. Bands really like to synthasize their voices. Apparently sounding like a robot is cool.

8. It is popular to have lyrics about popping champagne

9. Adele was the only female that could actually sing. (oh and lily allen)

10. Katy Perry should be shot in the face. (how does she have three hits?)


Take from this what you will.

And a confusing part of the below pie chart is the biggest section is 'pop' yet there is another section titled 'teen pop'. Are not pop and teen pop the same?

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Grunge Reduex

I have a few things to say about this as well, and here they are.
Not only did grunge bring us plaid and ripped jeans, but it also gave us wearing long underwear under our ripped jeans. Do you remember this? I think because I grew up in the nineties I find that waffle like material of long underwear oddly comforting. It also gave us the angsty teenage attitude. This was all grunge. Grunge is to the nineties as Emo is to the new millennium (what the fuck do you call the 2000's anyways...zero zeros?
Think about it.
Before the nineties, and grunge music, the only angsty teens were the punk rockers, and they were violent and really weren't so much angsty as they were mean. Thank you grunge for putting the acoustic guitar into the teens hands and teaching how to write suicide music.
To all the Emo kids on the street I want to yell, 'I was depressed long before you were, that was so 1994.'
Some maybe wondering where the word grunge came from, it was actually the lead singer of the band Green River (and later Mudhoney) that is credited for using it first. Do you want to know where those bands were from? Seattle (as Christene previously mentioned) which was the epicentre for grunge bands.

Some note worthy bands that turned the world around:
Nirvana (most famous and most fucked)
Soundgarden
Alice in Chains
Pear Jam
Screaming Trees
The Melvins
These were all of the Seattle area, crazy? Indeed.
noteworthy outside of Seattle?
One of my personal favorites Stone Temple Piolets

From the way I am talking it sounds as though grunge did no wrong...oh they did plenty wrong and that was HOLE and Courtney Love. Fuck that bitch is annoying, and very unpleasant to look at. Just the thought of her living on the same planet as me makes me want to hang myself.

And sadly I do believe it was grunge that was responsible for bands like Creed, Nickleback, Puddle Of Mud and Staind. These bands were called post-grunge. And they were (and still are for that matter) shit.


Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Grandma take me home.

This morning, I looked in Tina's window at work and noticed something.
I'm dressed like Kurt Cobain today.
Striped cardigan, black band T-Shirt, converse shoes, jeans....I look like I stepped out of 1994.

So, naturally, Tina and I made the decision to bring grunge back.
It's due for a comeback.
Just think of all the good stuff that came out of the grunge era:

-Doc Martens
-Seattle
-Long greasy unwashed hair
-plaid shirts tied around waists
-Angry youth
-Grunge music
-Hair Dyed with Kool-aid
-Ripped jeans
-Corduroy Pants

Rad.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Ridiculous in Pink

Now, as we all know, I'm no fashion plate.

My idea of a fancy outfit is a hoodie without holes in it.
But, as lacking as my fashion sense is, I know what looks ridiculous.
And Molly Ringwald's dress in "Pretty in Pink" is quite possibly the most hideous thing I've ever seen.
This crazy bitch takes 2 perfectly good vintage '60's prom dresses and decides to make a creation of her own.
At first, you think, "Hey! What's the worst that could happen? She seems like a sensible girl."


And then she shows up at prom looking like this:







Bitch be crazy.

She should have picked ducky.

That Spicoli's Come A Great Distance

This weekend I was watching Milk, you know the one that Sean Penn got his Oscar for, and I got to thinking. He sure has come a long way. Don't get me wrong I loved him when he was ordering pizza in his class and sporting the long greasy surfer dude hair, but still. Look at him now. He went from movies like Taps and Bad Boys to such heart wrenching films as Mystic River, Dead Man Walking and The Thin Red Line.
I know people were torn down the middle about Mickey Rourke and Sean Penn duking it out for the Best Actor award this year at the Oscars and here's the thing.

Yes, Mickey Rourke was amazing playing a washed up wrestler, but to be honest he had been a washed up actor for so long that it wasn't too much of a stretch for him to play this part. I loved the movie and I thought he did an amazing job (i also though Marisa Tomi had a hot little body for someone her age but that's a different blog altogether.)

But Sean Penn isn't gay. And he had to do something that many actors had reservations about and that was going full gay. And he did it with finesse. Just like Robert DeNeiro said, "How did Sean Penn ever get a role as a straight guy?"

That's how well he did it.

The role was complex, and though I, and the rest of the nation, would cross coals to kiss James Franco, Sean Penn did it with enough passion that you questioned whether their wasn't something else behind that kiss.

Nick Miller said 'If I had to kiss a guy I would kiss James Franco' and that just sums it all up.

So in the end Sean Penn has come a long way, you can't help but love his gentle ways with Hollywood and he played a gay man extremely well.
The movie had a point to make, and I'm glad he won. Everyone deserves equal rights, the gays, the straights and the washed up wrestlers.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

They tore down heaven to build townhouses.

Why is it that they take everything that's good and perfect in the world and tear it down to build townhouses?

Take the Hillcrest Drive-in, for example.
I grew up minutes away from the place, but had only been once.
If I tuned my radio into the station, I could pick up the signals and listen to the movies, that's how close I lived to it.


Yet, I never fully appreciated it.



The one time I went, I was 12. Our next door neighbour, Mrs. Bell, took me and her two daughters Jillian and Natalie, to go see "Land of the Rising Sun" and "Robin Hood : Men in Tights". I remember being embarrassed, because we were in our pajamas, and we went to the concession stand and people were staring at us. The other two didn't seem to care, they were getting candy.
Then Natalie took her shoes off, and for some reason, she had the worst smelling feet for a 9 year old and stunk up the car.

As a 12 year old, I was too young to fully appreciate the history of the place.
I'm sad that my only memories of the place involved Natalie stinking up the car with her feet and me being embarrassed that I was in my pajamas.



A couple of years ago, they decided to tear the place down to build townhouses.
They re-opened in Aldergrove, but its not the same.

Oh well, I'll always have this:


Crazy Hot dog.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

The Octo-Mom does not have 8 arms.

I hate the Octo-Mom.

She annoys the shit out of me.



That is all.







I

Monday, March 2, 2009

Look At These Morose MotherFuckers Right Here

I forced Jay to watch Jay and Silent Bob Strike back the other night.
And he didnt seem to find it as funny as I did. And I was at a loss for words.
What is there not to love?
You have Matt Damon and Ben Affleck making fun of themselves. Along with The Dawson and The Pie Fucker too!
Then Wes Craven Appears out of no where to a bitching Shannon Doherty, which only makes comedy gold.
So he tells me that threre were parts that were funny but most of it was stupid, this coming from the guy who LOVED Hamlet 2. No joke.
Then he tells me that he doesn't really like Kevin Smith movies. Then he says well except Dogma and Zack and Miri Make A Porno. Hey dude? That means you like his movies.
So personally i think he went into watching the movie with a bad attitude and a feeling of "I'm not going to like this regardless"
I hate people like this. Get over yourselves.
And though I didn't really like Chasing Amy, and I sort of thought Clerks was boring in parts. You still can't say you dont like "insert a directors name here" movies. Because how can you DISLIKE THEM ALL?
It's like if I were to say, "I hate Steven Spielberg movies"
I'm a liar. Cause you can't gate them all.
Anyways. the Point is Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is a laugh out loud Comedy fest!
It's worth it to hear Ben Affleck say "Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms yo!"